WHAT GIVES?

A joyous experience in my career as a school psychologist was running a monthly Kindness Club at an elementary school. Each meeting featured a speaker from a program serving the community. Following a short presentation, the children created materials to donate on-the-spot: toys for the cats and dogs at the Humane Society, individual packets of drinks, energy bars, and encouraging messages for athletes in the Special Olympics, yoga mats adorned with affirmations and rainbows for veterans and other participants in Yoga 4 Change. The children delighted in doing something to uplift others.
 
In this month’s featured story, THOSE SHOES, a boy discovers the joy of generosity.

Above, in the book cover, notice the black high-tops with two white stripes. Three of the boys are wearing them.

The fourth boy, Jeremy, dreams of having “those shoes.”
 
The classmates who have them are so proud! Day by day, more of Jeremy’s classmates show up wearing a pair.
 
Jeremy's grandma tells him she has no money for “wants.” She’s saving pennies to provide for “needs.” Winter is coming, and what Jeremy needs are new boots.

Let’s pause here.
“Wants vs. needs” is an important financial lesson.
But both “wants” and “needs” involve getting something.
I promised a book about generosity.
​So, what gives?​

Those shoes give Jeremy a thrill. From the start, he craves the status they convey, especially because he feels his own status crumbling. One classmate who got those shoes boasts that he’s displaced Jeremy as fastest runner. Other boys strut their stuff, as Jeremy shrinks into himself. Then, things get even worse.

On the playground, one of Jeremy’s shoes falls apart. The guidance counselor, rummaging through “a box of stuff…for kids who need things” finds one pair of shoes in Jeremy’s size. They are extremely uncool, with babyish Velcro straps and a cartoon-character decoration. When Jeremy returns to class wearing them, everyone laughs...everyone except Antonio. Jeremy strives to control his feelings. He grips his pencil tightly. He won’t cry.
 
Grandma tries to help. That weekend, they head to the shoe store, hoping the bit of money she has set aside might be enough for those shoes… but no. Then Jeremy suggests they check the thrift stores. Someone might have donated a pair they outgrew.
 
And YES! There is a pair, for only $2.50! But no… they are too small. “I can’t spend good money on shoes that don’t fit,” Grandma sighs.
 
Jeremy wants those shoes so badly, he spends his own savings, crams his feet into those shoes, and limps along, hoping that they’ll stretch. But no... he’s stuck wearing the babyish shoes to school.

Let’s pause once more.
“Don’t waste good money on useless goods” is another important financial lesson.
But Jeremy GETS those shoes anyway.
Didn’t I promise generosity?
​What gives?

Jeremy’s classmate Antonio, does not have those shoes, either, and one of Antonio’s shoes is held together with tape. Jeremy notices this… and that Antonio’s feet are smaller than his own. Flustered by unexpected thoughts and feelings, Jeremy heads to the park, where he runs into Antonio. As they spend the afternoon playing together, Jeremy remembers that Antonio was the only boy who didn’t laugh at his babyish shoes. Jeremy sees that even the tape holding Antonio’s shoe together is coming apart. Every time that tape slaps and flaps, Jeremy tells himself, “I’m not going to do it!”
​

Jeremy is considering doing something
​he cannot even bring himself to name.

At Grandma’s invitation, Antonio comes for supper at Jeremy’s house, where he sees those shoes. “Why don’t you wear them?” he asks. Jeremy shrugs, keenly aware that Antonio wishes for those shoes, too.
 
Jeremy’s feelings and thoughts keep him awake that night.
Early the next morning, he takes action.
 
Jeremy gives in to his feelings of gratitude and empathy.
He gives up his desire to keep those shoes and gives in to the urge to “do it.”
He gives those shoes to Antonio: leaving them outside Antonio’s apartment, ringing the doorbell, running away.
 
Antonio arrives at school, wearing those shoes and a big smile. Jeremy feels happy, even though he’s still irritated by his own Velcro-cartoon shoes. 

Then, as the day goes on, good things come Jeremy's way. Antonio quietly thanks him. Before recess, it snows! Now everyone has to put their boots on – and Jeremy’s are NEW. Together, Jeremy and Antonio race outside to play.

Jeremy’s journey takes him – and the reader – through aspects of all five  
​CASEL competencies:
Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Responsible Decision-Making, Social Awareness, and Relationship Skills.

Throughout the story, Jeremy identifies his emotions. When he feels upset or confused, he does his best to manage the stress.
 
Jeremy takes initiative. To obtain those shoes, he comes up with an option that will fit his family’s household budget: the thrift store. Then he spends his own money. Later, he gives those shoes to Antonio.
 
Jeremy examines the consequences of his choices. His decision to spend his own money to buy those shoes in a painfully small size is driven by strong desire. His decision to give those shoes to Antonio is driven by empathy and gratitude. Comparing these choices, and their results, Jeremy learns that his feelings can powerfully influence his decisions and actions, for worse or for better.
 
Jeremy building his abilities to understand and express gratitude. After recognizing Antonio’s kindness towards him, and he reflects it back. He opens his eyes to Antonio’s needs and discovers the depths of his own compassion and empathy. Then he acts on those feelings. In doing so, he builds a strong friendship.  
​

Now you’ve seen what gives.
​
Do you get it?