My Unexpected Friend

A child is alone, friendless. And then…

This month’s spotlight shines on friendship surprises,
the delights of discovering an unanticipated, out-of-the-ordinary,
​exceptionally special friend.
Let's look at two stories that illuminate the unforeseen:  
ANTONINO’S IMPOSSIBLE DREAM and A HEAD FULL OF BIRDS.
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Antonino paints his dreams, filling his room with canvases. We see him as a pirate, an astronaut,  a dragon-rider, and more. But Antonino finds there is one dream he cannot paint: “Friend.” Over and over, he puts paint to canvas. Over and over, he frowns at the results. Frustrated, he leaves his paints behind.
 
Antonino heads outdoors. As he bounces his ball against a wall -  Bop! Bop! – he notices another rhythmic sound - Tap-tap. What is that?
 
A girl is walking toward Antonino, tapping with a cane. Antonino speaks to her. He learns that she is blind. He invites her to play with him. She accepts, as long as Antonino is the one who will catch the ball.
 
The next day, Antonino brings his canvas and paints outdoors. The girl joins him. “Your brush is a butterfly to my ears,” she says. Antonino invites her to help him produce “a work of enormous importance.”  “If you will teach me,” she replies. Over and over, Antonino guides her to touch the brush to the paint, then the canvas. Though she cannot see the painting, she is enjoying the experience.

Seeing her smile, Antonino suggests they start another painting. Together, they will create a masterpiece.  She agrees, saying,
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“We’ll call it
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Friend.”
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Nanette and Noah are classmates who never expected to become friends.
 
Nanette has no friends. The other kids consider her stupid (she engages in behaviors they consider odd, such as rocking and finger-flicking, which are common autism-spectrum behaviors.)
 
On the playground, kids hurl insults at Nanette. We see Noah hanging out with this group. Whether he actively taunts Nanette is unclear, but he certainly does not stand up for her. Nanette wanders about, alone, mumbling rhymes that include the harsh words aimed her way: “skull, dull...”

One day, during lessons, Noah folds and launches paper airplanes. The teacher therefore changes his seat. He must move from the back to the front row.
 
Noah heads for his new seat, which is next to Nanette’s. Feeling grouchy, he purposely bumps into her arm, ruining her drawing of a bird. Nanette murmurs that now her bird won’t fly. Noah snaps at her. His snarky comment implies that Nanette doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality. Nanette’s softspoken response shows she does and also gives Noah a glimpse into her imagination.

When the children leave school, the gutters lining the sidewalk are full of rainwater. Noah sees Nanette floating a parade of colorful boats that she’s made of folded paper. He stops to watch. “It’s so pretty,” he thinks.
 
The next day, at recess, rain is falling hard, but Nanette goes outside. Noah’s friends point at her, chanting, “She’s so stupid!” But Noah ignores them. Seeing Nanette take off her rainboots, Noah rushes to her, intending to lead her back to shelter.
 
But Nanette has a purpose. “Look,” she tells Noah. She fills her boots with the water flowing off the roof. Handing one to Noah, she says, “Let’s get back to class!” As Noah follows her, a boy bumps into him, causing the water to spill from the boot. Noah is upset.
 
Arriving in the classroom, Noah apologizes to Nanette about the empty boot. “Don’t worry,” she assures him. Nanette places one of her paper boats in Noah’s hand. Smiling, he drops it into the water-filled boot. Together, he and Nanette watch the little boat spin and twirl. “And it’s so pretty.”

From then on, we see Noah and Nanette together,
flying paper planes and floating paper boats,
sharing the worlds their imaginations create.

Happenstance sows the seeds of these friendships. Social skills make them blossom.
 
Antonino wants a friend but does not seem to know how to begin. He entertains himself alone. When the blind girl arrives, Antonino understands that she cannot join in his activities without accommodations. To play ball, she can throw but not catch. To paint, she needs hand-on-hand guidance. Antonino provides those gateways into shared play.
 
Noah has friends already. They ostracize and belittle Nanette. Noah has no interest in approaching this “stupid” girl.  With no reason to expect kindness from her peers, Nanette does not try to make friends.  She keeps to herself, finding joy in her imagination. Then circumstance puts Noah right beside Nanette. To his surprise, he discovers that she is creative. Intrigued, he approaches her with kindness and interest. She invites him to share her world, and he finds they have more in common than he had expected.

The children’s actions in forming these friendships illustrate key aspects of Social Awareness and Relationship Skills.
 
With Social Awareness, we understand another person’s point of view. We imagine ourselves in their shoes and feel their emotions. We overcome differences and build productive relationships.
 
When Antonino meets the blind girl, he immediately takes her perspective, recognizes her strengths, and acts with empathy. In contrast, Noah shuns Nanette, at first. As the story progresses, however, these same Social Awareness capacities – perspective-taking, recognition of her strengths, and empathy – provide the foundation of his friendship with her.
 
Noah’s story arc also shows him shift along another aspect of Social Awareness: concern for others’ feelings. At first, Noah completely disregards Nanette’s feelings. When he is told to move his seat and finds himself beside her, Noah purposely jostles her. His actions spoil her drawing. Then, rather than apologizing, he belittles Nanette’s distress. All this changes after Noah notices Nanette’s creativity.  He sets out to protect her from the rain. Finding she intends to fill her boots with water and bring them to the classroom, Noah agrees to carry one. On the way, a boy accidentally jostles him, spilling the water. “Now it’s ruined!” Noah scolds. Anticipating Nanette’s disappointment, Noah defends her project, even though he doesn’t yet understand what it is. Moreover, when he arrives in the classroom, he apologizes for the empty boot.
 
Relationship Skills overlap with these Social Awareness skills, equipping the children to  build supportive friendships. Antonino and Noah directly assist their new friends. Each duo embarks on shared projects, demonstrating teamwork. Noah resists negative peer pressure. When his friends taunt Nanette for going out in the rain, he ignores them and heads out to help her.
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In each of these stories, two children unexpectedly discover that
they are the ones who can make each other’s dreams come true.
And by implementing key social-emotional skills,
they make those dreams their reality.