BREAKING OUT OF SELF-DOUBT

When working with kids who are afraid of trying, lest they fail, I tell them I have a “perfect” necklace made of gold. They agree that it’s valuable. Then I ask them to look closely at my golden necklace, to check that it is perfect.

As you (and they) can see, the T is crooked.
 
The quirk in this necklace is intentional. Must something be perfect to be valuable?   
 
Which brings us to this month’s spotlighted book, a story of growth in Self-Awareness and Self-Management.

We meet Mira in a gymnastics class.  Arms folded protectively over her chest, face frozen in anxiety, she watches everyone else tumble, leap, and balance with ease.
 
We see that in the past, Mira started many other things, such as playing guitar, painting, and ballet. She quickly cast each aside. Why? Because her first try was not perfect.
 
To Mira’s eyes, all the other children were excelling. “Everyone else was already a natural.” But her imperfect first tries always set her mind spinning with worries. She would make mistakes! People would laugh at her! So “Mira never got to the second of anything.”  She would not try again, and she refused further lessons. It’s clear that Mira will drop out of gymnastics, too – this first class will be her last class.
 
Neither the text or illustrations show that Mira ever has been teased or failed dramatically, so catastrophic mistakes and ridicule are not Mira’s past experience. They are Mira’s private fears, fears strong enough to send her into solitude, afraid to do anything at all.
 
Now Mira stands alone in a small, sheltered cove. But she finds that even then, she cannot relax. She remembers the other children’s twirls and laughter. Her body wants to move. A nearby log resembles a balance beam. Mira’s restless longing spurs her to try. She steps up…
 
Of course, she wobbles. But with no one watching, Mira finds herself focusing on how her movements make her feel, instead of imagining how others might judge her. Even her wobbles and missteps feel more fun than she expected. She keeps trying, even when she finds she does have an audience: a dog and a cat.
 
Mira is on a social-emotional journey toward stronger Self-Awareness and Self-Management. At the start, both these capacities are out-of-balance. Mira is quite alert to her limitations, but she is ignorant of her strengths. She is unable to manage her fear of failure, so she gives up trying.
 
Then Mira eases herself into trying and trying again. She calms her fear as she tries alone, continues trying with the animals watching, and comes to associate trying with feelings of pleasure and accomplishment. As she tries and tries again, she develops a growth mindset and experiences self-efficacy.
 
Mira changes her view of herself, and she adjusts her expectations and goals. Realizing that she is “perfect at growing,” she abandons her futile quest for instant perfection. Now Mira finds satisfaction in working toward improvement. She experiences increased motivation, newfound agency and initiative.
 
On the last page, Mira’s triumphant posture and smile tell us she will carry this newly-grounded self into her very first second class –  at the gym.