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Forming a group, by definition, involves making many into one. It’s a unit made up of multiple, non-identical elements. For the group to run smoothly, the purpose or expectations of the unit must accommodate dissimilarity at the individual level. The differences enrich the group, rather than disrupt it, when everyone feels they fit in. Children often find themselves placed in groups they did not choose. What happens to a child whose differences are beyond the foundational assumptions of the group? Helen H. Wu explores this beautifully in LONG GOES TO DRAGON SCHOOL, the story of an Eastern dragon attending a school in the West.  On the first day of school, Long’s teacher explains that they will practice using their fire breath to cook food. Then everyone will enjoy a class picnic! Long realizes that everyone assumes he shares an ability they have, but he lacks.
Since everyone believes Long has fire-breathing ability, he has not encountered prejudice or rejection. Long’s anxiety arises solely from his strong desire to fit in. Long is facing a challenge within the Social-Emotional area of Self-Awareness. His personal identity is a water-breathing dragon, and the social context expects fire-breathing. It seems impossible for Long to be true to himself and also be a valued member of this group. At first, Long hides his difference. While his fire-breathing classmates try to roast potatoes without scorching and charring them, Long makes it look like he is having the same problem. Showing the teacher a potato he brushed with dark paint, he tells her, “Oops! My potato burned!” In the hope he can develop fire-breathing ability before the picnic, Long experiments with various strategies: meditation, drinking hot tea, eating spicy food, and so on. Of course, nothing works. By the time of the picnic, Long’s unsuccessful efforts to breathe fire have damaged his self-confidence. While his classmates heat, grill, and toast foods, Long stares mournfully at the pumpkin he is meant to roast. He sees his water-breathing capability as a deficiency that will disappoint the group. At this point, Long summons the courage to accomplish another aspect of Self-Awareness: demonstrating honesty. He nervously confesses and apologizes for his difference. Long’s revelation puts the spotlight on his teacher, his classmates, and the Social-Emotional area of Social Awareness. Can Long’s teacher and classmates understand and empathize with him? Can they assimilate Long's difference, finding its positive aspects? Long’s teacher and classmates model optimal responses to Long’s difference. They have never heard that Eastern dragons breathe water, not fire. This is an exciting discovery! Long’s ability is not a detriment, but a new resource. Now they can steam foods, as well as roast them! The picnic will be even better. With new confidence, Long revises his Self-Awareness. What he thought was a deficiency is an asset. Via successful steam-cooking, he experiences self-efficacy along with his classmates. Despite his uniqueness, Long does fit in. LONG GOES TO DRAGON SCHOOL models Social-Emotional Learning through Long’s perceptions and actions and those of his teacher and classmates. Ultimately, Long fits in via a combination of being true to himself and his social group finding value in his difference. There’s a place for both Fire and Water in the world. In Long’s Dragon School, that place is Together.
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February brings us Valentine’s Day, a perfect time to let our hearts shine. Let’s look at two picture books with loving themes that move us in different ways. LOVE WILL TURN YOU AROUND features shapes in primary and secondary colors. Young children will enjoy recognizing these basic concepts, as well as imitating the characters’ movements as Circle rolls, Square stacks, and Triangle tiptoes and twirls. However, Heart is feeling “all wrong” today. Children will knowingly point out that, indeed, Heart looks all wrong, because he’s upside down!  Emotions and friendship skills weave through the story as the various shapes do their best to include Heart in their fun. Heart continues to struggle until he looks inside himself and realizes love is what makes him feel right. Soon Heart’s frown – indeed, his whole body – flips, and we recognize the familiar shape of a smiling Valentine. Now Heart is empowered to help a new shape, a Rhombus who is looking to find their spark. Using free resources from the publisher, teachers can use this book to highlight concepts of “foundational math shapes and properties, primary and secondary colors, social-emotional skills and development, teamwork and friendship.” The picture book LOVING KINDNESS immerses readers in an uplifting, loving, lyrical look at what it means to be alive on our precious planet, in our wondrous universe. 
Identical affirmations are repeated throughout this book: to a baby, a child, horses, birds, and ultimately, everyone – humans and animals. Gentle, comforting and empowering text assures us we all are blessings, we all are blessed, we all are learning, dreaming, and connected. The cadence and repetition make sweet reading for anytime, including bedtime. The positive, all-embracing ethos of this book plants a seed that ultimately will gift the reader with sweet fruit. Open these books – and books like these – and open your hearts! Original Post: 1/6/25 on CBA Blogfish. Both children and adults experience fears and anxieties. Factors that can fan children’s fears include being of small size and having limited power and choices. From a social-emotional learning perspective, dealing constructively with one’s own fear clearly requires skills of Self-Management. Helping another individual overcome fear involves Social Awareness and Relationship Skills. In this month’s book, EL CUCUY IS SCARED, TOO! author Donna Barba Higuera does a masterful job of demonstrating these skills for the picture-book audience.  It’s past bedtime, but Ramón is awake. His family has moved from a desert home to a very different setting. He is about to start a new school. During this dark night, El Cucuy, the hairy, clawed boogeyman of Hispanic and Latin American folklore, jumps out of hiding to frighten Ramón. But Ramón does not react. He tells El Cucuy, “Other things are scarier to me now.” El Cucuy answers, “Yo también” (“Me too”). Ramón and El Cucuy describe their worries: they miss home, the nighttime sounds here are strange, the new school is bigger. And what if children here don’t understand their clothes, speech, and habits? By explaining constructive ways to manage these situations, Ramón coaches and reassures El Cucuy – and, thereby, himself. Finally, Ramón and El Cucuy remind each other of how they’ve each shown strength and bravery in the past. The story validates Ramón’s struggle: the anxieties associated with this move are big enough to make even the terrifying El Cucuy feel insecure. Talking with El Cucuy, Ramón directly faces and diminishes his fears. In doing so, Ramón and El Cucuy model a variety of SEL skills, including the following:
As a psychologist, I’m impressed that all these skills are represented. I’m doubly impressed that they are woven into the story so naturally. Quite a lot of social-emotional education is accomplished in this picture book! It’s a marvelous resource for the children who need it, and a terrific mentor text for writers crafting SEL stories. Original Post: 12/2/24 on CBA Blogfish. “I am right!” “I am better!” Competition demands striving to place ourselves above. To be the highest, not the lowest. To be at the top, not the bottom. How can children learn that competing to win doesn’t mean losing their friends? With awareness that between the different extremes is a common bond, top vs. bottom becomes play.  This month’s story explores both the pull of polarities and the drawstrings of connection by turning the celebration of Hanukkah into a competition.  Noah lives in New York. His cousin Nora lives in New Zealand. During their frequent talks on the phone, each is living on a different date, at a different time of day, going through a different part of the school year. They argue playfully about which of them is the one who is upside down. And though they’ll both be celebrating Hanukkah the same week, it’s winter for Noah, and summer for Nora. Which Hanukkah is better? Which is “backwards” and “upside down”? Noah and Nora play out their challenge on a shared photo album online. Over the eight days of the holiday, they post pictures to prove theirs is the best Hanukkah. In the pictures, the differences are clear. Noah’s wearing boots, Nora is barefoot. Noah’s throwing snowballs, Nora’s swimming. Noah’s admiring the view from a skyscraper, Nora’s looking out from a mountaintop. And so on. But the pictures also illuminate the consistency of their Hanukkah traditions. They both sing “Rock of Ages,” recite the Hebrew prayer, light the candles in the Hanukkah menorah, give to charity (tzedakah), eat potato latkes and jelly donuts (sufganiyot), play dreidel, and receive coins (gelt) and gifts. And when each cousin unwraps the gift sent by the other, guess what? Each sent, and received, a “World’s Best Cousin” shirt. The bottom line? Love comes out on top.  Original Post: 11/4/24 in CBA Blogfish What keeps a young child smiling and secure 24-7? Their loving parents? Doting grandparents? How about their comfort toy or blankie! “Transitional Object” is the technical term for these prized possessions. In all the big, wide world, this particular item serves as “a constant companion, a silent confidant, and a source of unwavering support.” The child is “holding onto a piece of home, a reminder of the love and safety they feel with their parents.” In other words, “It’s like having a best friend who’s always there … It’s like carrying a little bubble of comfort wherever they go.” The comfort object is a tool for learning stress-management and self-soothing. The sense of security if provides lays the foundation for building independence. (Source: NeuroLaunch; neurolaunch.com/transitional-object-psychology). Writers Charles Schulz and Mo Willems understood that the loss of that precious object is A BIG DEAL. Linus loses his blanket - AAUGH! Trixie’s dad loses her Knuffle Bunny - WAAAA! As a young mother, to ward off such catastrophe, I had a friend crochet several small blankies out of the same yarn. Same color, same texture. I kept several at home and in the car. I had enough to safely switch them out and wash them before my child became fond of some funky smell. Thankfully, my baby did become attached to the blankie, or my strategic planning would have come to naught. Which brings us to this month’s book. In THE IMPOSTER, Olive struggles to cope with the loss of her “Cuddly…Reliable…Perfect” Mr. Snuggles, her playmate, confidante, and comfort.  The crisis puts Olive through several phases of emotion and activity. First, the meltdown. Next, a fruitless search. Then, a valiant but futile effort to build a new Mr. Snuggles out of various odds and ends. Another round of sobbing…
Suddenly, Mr. Snuggles reappears! Olive is delighted, until she notices that he’s a little too clean and fluffy. At this point, I, as reader, suspected Mr. Snuggles had finally been put through the washer and drier. But no! Olive must cope with something even more dire: her parents bought a brand-new Mr. Snuggles! And they thought she wouldn’t notice. “IMPOSTER!” Olive wails. And when she finds the box it came in, her parents come clean. Having experienced desperation, determination, delight, and disappointment, Olive now is filled with resentment. The Imposter is an annoying playmate, an inadequate confidante. BUT – An excellent comfort during that night’s thunderstorm. Olive embraces the new toy: literally, and, the next morning, emotionally. Of course, this is when her dog drags in the raggedly, missing Mr. Snuggles. Olive resumes her relationship with Mr. Snuggles but finds she doesn't feel right abandoning The Imposter. Now she is ready to give comfort, as well as receive it. Her heart has grown, and Olive creates new, inclusive bonds. Embracing BOTH plushies, Olive introduces Mr. Snuggles and Mr. Huggles to each other, promising, “We’ll have lots to do … together.” Original Post: 10/7/24 in CBA Blogfish  Sukkot, the week-long harvest festival, is named for huts: in Hebrew, one hut is a sukkah, and many are sukkot. The Sukkot huts have symbolic meaning. In bygone times, farmers dwelt in such huts while completing the harvest. Also, the Israelites who wandered the desert for 40 years used temporary shelters like these. To celebrate this joyful holiday, families or communities build structures roofed with thatch or branches, decorate them, and spend time in them for meals, visiting, and even sleeping (weather permitting!) This month’s picture book features the Abayudaya Jews of Uganda and a Sukkot lesson in the values of community. The story evokes empathy, kindness, teamwork, appreciation of individual capabilities, friendship, family, and the literal and emotional joys of community accomplishment.  Shoshi enjoys competition. She always strives to be in the lead. Even so, Shoshi recognizes that, as her grandmother says, “life is not a competition.”
In her village, the Sukkot celebration includes a contest for the most beautiful sukkah. Each sukkah in the village shows the talents and creativity of the individual or family who made it, and each is beautiful in its own way. Shoshi and her brothers work together and hope to impress the rabbi, who will judge. But this year, Daudi had saved enough money to buy decorations in the big town. Villagers gripe that Daudi is the sure winner. Their efforts can’t compete. The night before the rabbi inspects the sukkahs, a big storm pounds the village. The damage to most sukkahs is easy to repair. But Daudi’s store-bought decorations are ruined, and he cannot replace them. Shoshi and her brothers decide to bring spare materials to help Daudi. They arrive to find “a big crowd of villagers.” Everyone contributes decorations or food. The result is a “mismatched” sukkah that holds “bits and pieces of every villager,” bound together like the lulav, a Sukkot harvest symbol made of different types of branches. When the rabbi pronounces this sukkah the best, Shoshi knows that this year, everyone won. THE VERY BEST SUKKAH is a treasure trove of information about the Abayudaya people and their observations of Shabbat and Sukkot. Backmatter describes the community and the hardships they have survived, including, in the 1970s, the destruction of synagogues by despot Idi Amin. A glossary includes Hebrew and Lagunda words. This story also is rich in Social-Emotional Learning. Indeed, THE VERY BEST SUKKAH models SEL skills in all five areas: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Skills, and Responsible Decision-Making. Shoshi identifies her emotions and values, sets and accomplishes personal and collective goals, shows concern for others, expresses gratitude, offers help, engages in teamwork and collaborative problem-solving, and recognizes her own role in the well-being of the community. This harvest season, enjoy the camaraderie and fruits of YOUR community! Original Post: 9/2/24 on CBA Blogfish  The Jewish High Holidays are coming soon, making this a good time to look at related picture books. Rosh Hashanah celebrates the creation of the world and a fresh start for a new year. It ushers in a period of atonement for both the individual and the community. This culminates on Yom Kippur, when the community comes together in repentance for sins committed over the previous year, seeking the blessings of forgiveness and a sweet year. The sounding of the shofar, a ram’s horn, marks the beginning and end of this significant period. Here are two books that help children value and understand the traditions that infuse these holidays.   In Not So Fast, Max, Rosh Hashanah is the context for an SEL story. Young Max is challenged to develop the patience to savor family bonds and traditions. When his Savta (grandmother) arrives from Israel, he pulls her into the house, urging her to hurry up. Max is eager for Savta to fulfill her promise to make caramel apples – a variation of the traditional apples in honey, symbol of a sweet year. But Savta is not in a hurry. She takes Max and his sister Emily to pick the apples. Max grumps, grumbles, and glowers. In contrast, Emily enjoys each moment with Savta: picking apples, learning Hebrew words, and savoring the traditions and meaning of the holiday. Max begins to shed his moodiness when Savta gets him playing with apples. He needs patience to succeed at apple-toss and juggling. Then, when they’ve picked enough apples, Max is no longer in a hurry to go home. He agrees there is time to sit at the picnic bench and listen to holiday memories from Savta’s childhood. Max even suggests they stay to pick a few more apples! Not So Fast, Max is bursting with the joy of holiday and family traditions. The story is sprinkled with Hebrew words and, through Savta, conveys a connection to Israel. It also includes recipes for Savta’s Apple Cake and Max’s Caramel Apples!  For young children, Three Jumps to Sorry provides a light introduction to the solemn concept of atonement. The day before Yom Kippur, Hannah awakens in a bad mood. She says unkind words to her brother and makes a mess in her room. Her mother is frustrated, especially when Hannah repeatedly says, “Sorry!” in a silly, loud, and insincere voice. When her mother says this was not a "real apology," Hannah acts out. She kicks her soccer ball toward the coffee table. It hits and breaks a glass apple, her mother’s favorite Rosh Hashanah decoration. Hannah tops this off by saying, “It’s not my fault!” Hannah’s mother devises a game to teach Hannah how to apologize. She sets out three paper squares, labeled 1, 2, 3. Hannah jumps on each in turn, completing one step of an apology and thereby earning permission to jump to the next. In this way, Hannah accomplishes these three steps of an apology:
Hannah earnestly undertakes each step of this game. At step 1, she states exactly what she did wrong. At step 2, she thinks about her mother’s “sad face,” and she notices the bad feelings in her own heart and throat. At step 3, she makes a plan for what to do next time. Hannah’s considered, sincere responses earn her high praise from her mom – and a hug. They also provide an excellent model for young readers learning what a “real apology” is, and how to accomplish it. The adults in the stories nudge each child in a constructive direction without lecturing. Savta engages Max in games that require patience. His focus shifted, Max finds himself enjoying the and even prolonging family time at the apple orchard. Hannah’s mom initiates the 3-jumps game, but Hannah independently and thoughtfully implements each step of the apology.  Wishing everyone a sweet new year,
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Author
As a school psychologist, I translate children's social-emotional and impulse-control difficulties into simple terms and explain how to provide support. My published work in that arena includes a relaxation-training curriculum, articles, and book chapters. I also review books that resonate with my Jewish background.. What is 'SEL'?
Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Skills, Responsible Decision-Making. - CASEL Archives |
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