A friend of mine, a fellow writer, laments that picture books are considered little children’s books. Great picture books offer wisdom for humans of all ages.
 
Consider the two books we’re visiting today. Both ring the same bell:
 
“I’d ring out love between my brothers and my sisters…”
–Pete Seeger and Lee Hays, “If I Had a Hammer”
 
To fully appreciate these stories, first go to a mirror. Look at your reflection.
​You recognize yourself, don’t you?

You recognize yourself, even though your reflection shows the OPPOSITE of you.
Your reflection’s left is your right.

Moe and Mo live in homes at opposite ends of the same street. Their mothers take them to the same store, which is where the children first meet. Both boys run down the aisles and reach for candies. Moe and Mo both have dark, curly hair, olive skin, brown eyes, and shy smiles. When they meet, they see themselves in each other. Indeed, the shopkeeper asks if they are twins.
​
At the neighborhood park, they run into each other again. The boys delight in playing together, then ask if their families can meet for a picnic.  At sundown, Moe, Mo and their parents “feast together under a leafy tree.” They wish each other peace:

At bedtime, gazing at the moon watching over them both, each boy makes a wish for his friend’s happiness.

Moe’s family is Jewish, and Mo’s family is Muslim. Jane Breskin Zalben, the author, is Jewish. The illustrator, Mehrdokht Amini is Muslim. In her Author’s Note, Jane writes, “The Hebrew and Arabic words for compassion, rahamim (Hebrew) and rahma (Arabic) share the same root. Compassion is the foundation of any good friendship.” In her Illustrator’s Note, Mehrdokht tells us, “I was overjoyed to work on a book about empathy, the beauty of similarities, and the ease with which children form deep friendships. Stereotyping usually exists in the world of adults, while children see the world in a more accepting and unbiased way.”

The message of love and harmony is clear. Does it teach sweet, untroubled children anything they don’t instinctively know? There are adults who might learn from this story. The adults who espouse, teach, and act out rejection and hostility, dividing groups of humans into “us” and “them.”

As Jane Breskin Zalben said in an interview about this book, “Children seem accepting and open. I hope the adults reading this are as well. I fear a number might not be. They might be closed because of what occurs in the world politically.”

Keira, whose experience drives this story, tells us, “Bianca and I are almost twins.” She shows us the many ways they are the same. “We’re inseparable,” Keira says. “She’s my best friend.”

Actually, it’s only at school that Keira and Bianca are inseparable. Although the girls live on the same street, Keira’s parents instruct her to stay away from Bianca’s house. “I can’t go to any parties or sleepovers at her house. And I can’t invite her to mine.”

The adult world is hovering over these friends, in the form of the Confederate flag waving outside Bianca’s house. Keira’s parents tell her it’s a “hate flag” and “a symbol of violence and aggression.” Bianca’s parents tell her it’s a “heritage flag” and “a celebration of courage and pride.” The girls know no more than that…

…until the day of the school field trip to the Southern Legacy Field Museum. Keira and Bianca are disappointed that they are assigned to different groups during the trip. However, Keira’s dad has come with her. He leads his daughter to a new exhibit called Stars and Bars.

Keira sees that flag. And her father explains the horrors shown in the pictures and displays. He describes how they directly affected Keira’s grandparents, her mother, and himself. He tells Keira “the things Black people have to do every day to stay safe.” The knowledge shatters Keira’s innocence. Her feeling of twinship with Bianca vanishes.

Back at school, the girls’ teacher affirms, “The Confederacy fought a war to keep Black people enslaved. Their battle flag is still used by hate groups who want white people to rule.” Bianca wonders, “Why would my family fly a flag like that?”

Their friendship fractured, each girl struggles to comprehend her place in the world. In the news, a brutal, current event brings their teacher’s words to life.

Bianca’s parents take the flag down. Wistfully, she tells Keira she hopes they can be friends again. Though uncertain, Keira is willing to try. Still, the complete trust of their childhood twinship is gone.

In her Author’s Note, Tameka Fryer Brown writes, “If human beings can learn to be racist, we can also learn not to be.” In his Illustrator’s Note, Nikkolas Smith tells of his aim “to portray the innocence and wisdom of youth because it is often a roadmap of where we should go as a human race.”

The story of Moe and Mo is a hug, immersing us in humanity’s potential for togetherness.

I believe that adults who appreciate these books already agree with them. Some of the adults who don’t are busy banning books like these.
​
Pure love is easy for innocent children, who see themselves in each other.  Fellow adults, when you look at each other, what do you see?

​You may know the fable of the blind folk who were shown an elephant. They surrounded the animal, each touching a different part. Coming away with very different perceptions, they argued ceaselessly. The individual who held the trunk insisted the elephant resembled a thick snake. The one who touched the leg asserted the elephant was like a tree trunk. Other voices proclaimed the elephant was shaped like a spear (trunk), a wall (side), a large leaf (ear), or a rope (tail). Without a broader perspective, they could not integrate the conflicting information.
 
In Social-Emotional Learning, Social Awareness includes the ability to see things from another’s perspective. This capacity requires flexible thinking and provides a foundation for empathy. Perspective-taking ability develops in stages, through childhood and adolescence.
 
Very young children have little ability to reflect on their own thoughts and feelings, much less recognize and understand someone else’s.  Around ages 5-7, children understand that individual perspectives differ when each person received different information. However, they have difficulty grasping that diverse perspectives can arise from identical input. The picture book DUCK! RABBIT! challenges this limitation. The simple, concrete illustration of the “duck/rabbit” effectively shows not only that different conclusions can be drawn from the same event, but also that both can be right.

​Around ages 7-12, as children’s abstract thinking ability grows, their perspective-taking ability expands accordingly. They gain the capacity to “step into another person’s shoes.” They are increasingly able to think about their own thoughts and feelings, to view their own thoughts and feelings from another person’s perspective, and to realize that each perspective can be valid. XO, EXOPLANET is a picture book that helps support this growth.

In this story, the planets of our solar system notice another planet, circling a faraway star. They establish communication through letters. But Jupiter’s insistence on calling the distant neighbor “Exoplanet” causes friendship to dissolve into dismay, then conflict, then an absolute rift. The planets of our system insist their new acquaintance is the exoplanet, because it is not circling our sun. The other counters, “I am looking around MY sun. I don’t see you. So YOU are the exoplanets.”  Each believes and vehemently asserts their position to be the only correct view. Emotions flare: to be called a planet is a point of pride, to be called an exoplanet is an insult.
 
Eventually, a passing comet helps the planets of our solar system expand their perspective-taking ability. The comet asks, “Is Earth big or small?” Turns out Mercury perceives Earth as huge, while to Jupiter, Earth is tiny. The comet wonders, “Is Mars hot or cold?” To Uranus, Mars is hot, but to Venus, Mars is “downright chilly.” “Who’s right?” the comet presses. Turns out, “They’re all right. It depends on how you look at things.”
 
With this insight, the planets of our system realize that “exoplanet” is a matter of perspective, not an emotionally charged term. With a heartfelt apology to their distant neighbor, which is most graciously accepted, correspondence – and friendship – are renewed.
 
Children will relate to the passionate argument between the respective planets, as it is phrased in playground-taunting terms, such as,
             “Am not.”
             “Are too.”
             “Am not.”
and,
            “Period. Period. Period. No erasies.”
 
Factual tidbits are woven into the text (e.g., about Jupiter’s size and Mars’ ice cap). The artwork vividly depicts each planet’s individual personality.
 
The emotional ride is particularly fun, taking the reader from the frisson of excitement at discovering a new friend, through the flaming tempers of self-righteousness, to the warm glow of reunion, with everyone enjoying and appreciating each other. The planets’ use of XO as a sign-off for their letters is especially satisfying, juxtaposing the “outsider” connotation of the prefix “exo“ with the affectionate symbols of hugs and kisses.
 
I expect that many will XO both of these perspective-taking books.

​Child and Mom have moved to a new city. In their new apartment, Mom works at home while Child amuses themselves with toys and books. Child is quite content to play at home, alone, because it feels “cozy” and “safe.”
 
We are shown that, for Child, meeting new people feels threatening. Child rejects Mom’s suggestion that they go to the park and meet other children. When Mom tries to arrange a playdate with the neighbors’ children, Child protests, feeling hot and teary. When Mom tries taking Child into the bookshop for story time, Child has a meltdown: “I shrank to the ground and cried till my face was bright red.”
 
Mom might not know the underlying neuropsychology of Child’s fearful reactions to the prospect of meeting and interacting with other children, but Mom recognizes that the direct approach only heightens Child’s self-protective defenses.
 
Instead, Mom takes Child to meet a lady with a dog named Millie. Child describes the dog as “not too big…not too small…just right.” We see that Child feels that this dog is safe. Safe enough for Child to hold a hand out to Millie, even though “I was nervous.” Millie’s quiet responses reassure Child: Millie’s sniffs are a tickle, her lick is a kiss. Child feels that “she loved me right away.” Would Child like to bring Millie home? “Yes,” Child whispers.
 
Child’s focus shifts from self-protection to caring for Millie. Child makes sure to give Millie whatever she needs – including Child’s favorite stuffie – “so she would feel safe.” Three times a day, Child and Mom take Millie for walks in the neighborhood. Child notices that Millie does not look away from the people who wave. “Millie wagged back. She wasn’t afraid.” One walk at a time, Child begins to look at people…to recognize familiar faces…to say hello. “I felt safe with Millie.”
 
Eventually, Child agrees to go to the dog park with Millie and Mom, so Millie can go off her leash and make friends. And that’s where Child quietly, somewhat nervously, finds the courage to break free from their own “leash” and take initiative to approach, greet, and befriend the shy girl sitting with her own mother on the next bench.
 
JUST LIKE MILLIE deftly shows how secondary characters can provide impetus for the main character’s growth without taking over. Additionally, JUST LIKE MILLIE effectively incorporates key therapeutic threads. In social-emotional terms, Child achieved growth in Self-Management. Specifically, Child became increasingly able to manage stressful thoughts and emotions. This, in turn, freed Child to identify a personal goal – making a friend –  and gave them the courage to take initiative to achieve it. The story also deftly illustrates a therapeutic technique called Systematic Desensitization. In this method, the situation that causes anxiety is broken down into steps. Within a safe setting, with supports that provide reassurance and relaxation, the fearful individual enters each step, progressing gradually from least to most threatening.
 
When a child is highly anxious, calming the automatic fight-flight reaction is the foundation for enlarging their world. I love that JUST LIKE MILLIE shows this process. Each step Child takes with Millie is the smallest step at which Child feels safe enough to be brave. And step by step, Child achieves confidence, self-efficacy, and the freedom to live life to the fullest. Just like Millie.
 

A popular quote (author unknown) begins, “Your kindness is never wasted. Even when it goes unnoticed, even when it's taken for granted.” How nice, though, when it IS noticed. Even nicer, when it INSPIRES!
 
Children who read this month’s spotlighted picture book receive a powerful foundation for such appreciation and inspiration. A HAT FOR MRS. GOLDMAN illustrates Social Awareness skills through the Jewish concept of mitzvahs, or good deeds. The story models empathy, compassion, and gratitude. Plus, being that social-emotional skills are linked, the actions fueled by Social Awareness build strengths in Self-Management and Self Awareness, particularly initiative, agency, goal-setting, self-efficacy, a recognition of personal strengths, and a sense of purpose.

In this endearing story, infant Sophie receives a knitted baby hat from her apartment-building neighbor, Mrs. Goldman (who, in context, appears also to be Sophie’s babysitter). It can get very cold where they live.
 
As she grows, Mrs. Goldman teaches Sophie how to knit, and how to make pom-poms. Mrs. Goldman knits constantly, ensuring her friends and neighbors are well-supplied with warm hats and mittens. Sophie enjoys making pom-poms, which they use to decorate Mrs. Goldman’s hats. Mrs. Goldman tells Sophie that together, they are accomplishing a mitzvah. They are keeping people’s heads – their keppies - warm.
 
Sophie accompanies Mrs. Goldman and her dog, Fifi, on their daily walks. With winter coming, Sophie bundles up in her hat and mittens. Fifi wears a sweater, also knitted by Mrs. Goldman. But Mrs. Goldman has no hat.
 
Each day, Sophie notices signs that Mrs. Goldman’s head must be cold. Her hair blows in the wind. Her ears turn red. Mrs. Goldman’s keppie must be cold…very cold…freezing!
 
Sophie decides it’s up to HER to knit a hat for Mrs. Goldman. Mrs. Goldman is too busy knitting for everyone else.
 
Stitch by stitch, Sophie works, but only when she’s NOT with Mrs. Goldman. It’s a surprise.
 
The result is lumpy and bumpy, with holes. Sophie thinks it looks like a “monster hat.” But it’s the only hat she can offer... Aha! Pom-poms to the rescue! Sophie gets busy making them, in Mrs. Goldman’s favorite color. She covers every lump and hole with pom-poms.
 
The story and illustrations are full of child-friendly devices to stimulate empathic awareness and emotion. As note above, Sophie doesn’t just visually notice Mrs. Goldman’s windblown hair and red ears – Sophie feels that Mrs. Goldman is enduring discomfort. Her compassion fuels her resolve to correct this unacceptable situation. Then, Sophie continues to make choices informed by social awareness. She worries that the “monster hat” might frighten Fifi. She is mindful of Mrs. Goldman’s favorite color.
 
Moreover, Sophie reaps great rewards from her efforts. As she perseveres, her knitting skills improve. When she turns the “monster-hat” into a glory of pom-poms, it becomes “the most special hat in the world.” The illustration of Sophie tightly hugging the soft, colorful hat conveys her love for Mrs. Goldman and her delight in finding she can make life better for someone she loves. When the surprise gift moves Mrs. Goldman to tears of joy, Sophie learns how precious her compassion and initiative are. Mrs. Goldman even counts the pom-poms, a concrete way of showing Sophie how much she notices and values the extent of the young girl’s effort and love.
 
In appreciation of this heartwarming picture book, I’ll add another Jewish word to the keppies and mitzvahs. Like Sophie when she finishes the hat, like Mrs. Goldman when she receives it, on finishing this marvelous book, I feel verklempt: overcome with emotion. In a very good way!

Last month’s spotlight featured a character with attributes that truly were quite different from his peers’.  In this month’s story, PAULA’S PATCHES, a girl who believes her situation is unique discovers that her peers are much more like her than she’d imagined. Her growth in social awareness drives her to an altruistic initiative that builds her self-confidence.

​Paula’s pants tear at the knee as she is arriving at school. Throughout the day, she does her best to cover the hole. During lessons, she rests a hand on her knee. During lunch, she keeps her tray on her lap. During recess, she ties a sweater around her waist so that it drapes over her legs. In doing so, Paula is trying to cover up much more.
 
Without directly saying so, the context makes it clear that Paula believes she is the only one in her class that relies on secondhand clothes. She won’t be able to get new pants…she must wait for the next hand-me-downs from her cousin. If no one sees the hole, her peers won’t laugh at her.
 
Alert to her classmates, lest they spot her subterfuge, Paula notices things. Zoila’s backpack is labeled, “Penelope.” Does Zoila need hand-me-downs, too? At lunch, spaghetti sauce spills all over George’s favorite shirt. What if he can’t replace it? When Libby shows Paula a blanket made from fabric scraps, the colorful, pretty patchwork gives Paula an idea…
 
At home, Paula finds her Mami’s bin of fabric scraps. She enlists Mami’s help to make all sorts of fabric patches. The next day, at Circle Time, Paula sets them out as gifts for her classmates. Everyone dives in, choosing decorations to cover holes, labels, and stains on their belongings. Everyone has something to mend, or a hand-me-down to re-style as their very own.
 
Paula’s new social awareness inspires empathy and positive, practical action. For readers intrigued by Paula’s patches, backmatter for “Fun with Fabric” provides instructions for making patches, bookmarks, and pouches.
 
A “hole” lot of opportunity, indeed!

​Forming a group, by definition, involves making many into one. It’s a unit made up of multiple, non-identical elements. For the group to run smoothly, the purpose or expectations of the unit must accommodate dissimilarity at the individual level. The differences enrich the group, rather than disrupt it, when everyone feels they fit in.
 
Children often find themselves placed in groups they did not choose. What happens to a child whose differences are beyond the foundational assumptions of the group?
 
Helen H. Wu explores this beautifully in LONG GOES TO DRAGON SCHOOL, the story of an Eastern dragon attending a school in the West.
 

​On the first day of school, Long’s teacher explains that they will practice using their fire breath to cook food. Then everyone will enjoy a class picnic! Long realizes that everyone assumes he shares an ability they have, but he lacks.
 
Since everyone believes Long has fire-breathing ability, he has not encountered prejudice or rejection. Long’s anxiety arises solely from his strong desire to fit in.
 
Long is facing a challenge within the Social-Emotional area of Self-Awareness. His personal identity is a water-breathing dragon, and the social context expects fire-breathing. It seems impossible for Long to be true to himself and also be a valued member of this group.
 
At first, Long hides his difference. While his fire-breathing classmates try to roast potatoes without scorching and charring them, Long makes it look like he is having the same problem.  Showing the teacher a potato he brushed with dark paint, he tells her, “Oops! My potato burned!”
 
In the hope he can develop fire-breathing ability before the picnic, Long experiments with various strategies: meditation, drinking hot tea, eating spicy food, and so on. Of course, nothing works.
 
By the time of the picnic, Long’s unsuccessful efforts to breathe fire have damaged his self-confidence. While his classmates heat, grill, and toast foods, Long stares mournfully at the pumpkin he is meant to roast. He sees his water-breathing capability as a deficiency that will disappoint the group.
 
At this point, Long summons the courage to accomplish another aspect of Self-Awareness: demonstrating honesty. He nervously confesses and apologizes for his difference.
 
Long’s revelation puts the spotlight on his teacher, his classmates, and the Social-Emotional area of Social Awareness. Can Long’s teacher and classmates understand and empathize with him? Can they assimilate Long's difference, finding its positive aspects?
 
Long’s teacher and classmates model optimal responses to Long’s difference. They have never heard that Eastern dragons breathe water, not fire. This is an exciting discovery! Long’s ability is not a detriment, but a new resource. Now they can steam foods, as well as roast them! The picnic will be even better. With new confidence, Long revises his Self-Awareness. What he thought was a deficiency is an asset. Via successful steam-cooking, he experiences self-efficacy along with his classmates. Despite his uniqueness, Long does fit in.
 
LONG GOES TO DRAGON SCHOOL models Social-Emotional Learning through Long’s perceptions and actions and those of his teacher and classmates. Ultimately, Long fits in via a combination of being true to himself and his social group finding value in his difference.
 
There’s a place for both Fire and Water in the world. In Long’s Dragon School, that place is Together.